How to Make a Sick Running Playlist

December 10th, 2019 | Non-Fiction
Step 1a: Add music that would be good to run to. Examples:

The song from the band from Jersey that is fairly old and seasoned at this point but you just found out about them but it's okay because at least you found them and no one can take that away from you now.

The song that makes you want to run a thousand miles an hour or at least until your lungs collapse.

The song that you figured out if you listen to it 50 times in a row, 10 hours would pass and you'd be done with work for the day unless your boss's boss assigned you a bunch of brand new slides to create with data no one has and then walked over every 20 minutes for a status update.

The song that when you hear you are immediately sent back to freshman year of high school and even though it's a slower song, when you sing aloud you're basically screaming it and sometimes you get a little too emotional about it for no real reason. Also just add that whole fuckin' album, it's so good.

The song that was the dance BANGER from your senior year of high school and you and a friend got most of the people in your web development class to queue the song on their computer and then at 2:30 you all blasted it and danced in the classroom and the teacher had no idea what was going on but she knew it was you and Jonny that were up to no good but it didn't matter because you were really good at flash and okay at HTML and that was pretty much all you needed to get an A in the class.

The song that is your favorite untitled song from a band who you don't know a single actual lyric because it's all in a different language/in a made up language but that's okay because you emulate the sounds and you can feel the meaning of the music without knowing any of the words.

The song that's actually two songs but it's okay because in reality it's just one biggo song and you don't even know how to accurately explain it to your friends and family who don't know about it already but you listen to it almost daily after hearing it nine years ago at a party when the host explicitly decided to play "songs that are no good to play at parties" and you got too drunk to drive but you've always been a bit of a boy scout so you slept in your car in super uncomfortable in-and-out sleep while it was absolutely pouring outside and then you woke up and one of your best friends texted you a few minutes before and you went and got breakfast at the good diner.

The song from that old as shit NY band that came out a few years ago and just rocks the fuck out and you feel fine sprinting to it once it really kicks in.

The song that you know people chant the instrumental chorus (or whatever it's called I'm not a musician) at sporting events but you don't know the name of the song itself and you don't know any of the lyrics so the song is like impossible to figure out even though you can hear it in your head perfectly and then somehow you finally find it on youtube and like all the comments are about how hard the song is to find and congratulations, you found it!

The song that is a long punk jammer about how basically life is meaningless and for some reason when you're out running that's something that somehow motivates you not only to keep running but to put your head down and run a little bit harder and you also got assigned this song as the inspiration to make a short film and you did and it came out horrible but that's fine because basically life is meaningless and for some reason that's something that somehow motivates you.

The song that you and your wife sing aloud a bunch and whenever you hear it it makes you stupid happy.

The song that you only know the lyrics "my sweat-soaked mattress" but the entire song is amazing anyway and when those lyrics do come up on a run you yell them and speed up and you might risk getting hurt a little bit but it's okay because if I can't support the two of us, how can I support a third?

The song that you're pretty sure is about dying, maybe not the whole song but at least the part at the end obviously, and you realized this on the train ride home from college after your mom had called you and told you "grandpa passed away" and you were really sad but you couldn't bring yourself to cry no matter how hard you tried, you just felt numbed out and everything was different now, not super different or anything, but just like everything had been shifted over a few inches to the left or something.

Step 1b: Add approximately 216 other songs that would also be good to run to.

Step 2: Play music and go running.