|Sun, August 8|
I've spent the last couple of months trying to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. We haven't been going out much, at least not for random trips to the grocery store or the farmers market or to some new thing to check out for half a day or whatever. I still go out 4 or 5 days a week to run, and we go out about the same amount of times per week for some easy walks, but otherwise our lives mostly revolve around our computers, stuck inside our apartment all day.
We've been making the most of it; we've rearranged the apt furniture probably five or six times now. We've reduced the amount of stuff we have, with more stuff in a pile to eventually donate or dispose of when said pile gets big enough. But we both kind of agree it's time to move to a new apartment, and that may or may not be happening soon.
Over this time of "my life is now entirely on the computer" I've kind of grown sick of the ever-online status. Going on the same handful of websites and seeing the same content shoved in my face over and over has left me with a stomach ache like I sat there on the basement floor pounding endless amounts of candy after a successful Halloween night. It's only fun in the idea phase, actually shoving the crap down your throat makes you feel ill. That's how I feel about the internet lately. I can't keep having Youtube recommend the exact same 20 videos to me on the frontpage. I can't keep reading the Reddit frontpage and just feeling hopeless. I can't keep going on Discord to see meaningless convos between strangers play out.
But I do keep doing this stuff, usually cycling through every half hour or so. Open open open, close close close. Repeat.
I've been trying my damndest to get out of this weird techno-funk I've found myself in. Trying to cultivate slower living practices, find new hobbies that aren't on my computer, etc. I'm not anti-technology or anything, I love this stuff. I like playing video games, they're fun (at least in principle). I like little gadgets and phones and TVs and whatever else. I just need to use them better, find a sort of harmony in my life so that tech enhances my life, does not become the focus of my life.
And though I'm less connected than most, this still feels like a very hard challenge most days. After months of this mindset and slow changes, I finally feel like I'm making progress. I've still got a long way to go, and it's likely that I become more and more aloof to online communities I'm in (like Neocities, for example). It's not a certainty, but it's a 50/50 at the moment. Ideally I'd like to write more things, and what better place to post them then my very own handmade website? But, time will tell. Time will tell.
I start a new job tomorrow, at my old place of work. I guess that's why I'm providing an update of sorts here. Faithful readers will remember one of the earliest essays I wrote, published days before I quit my job. I'm returning a very different person, but it will take a lot of energy and fortitude to not let the digital workplace shape me back into something I don't quite like the form of. Here's hoping that I can navigate these waters safely.
In other news - Ear Rat is coming out shortly. It's done, we just need to age it in a fine oak barrel for a while.